Unconditional love is something we all desperately needed from our caregivers as children. -Almost no one got it.

Thank God we can learn to give ourselves this almost “magical” unconditional love.
But what is unconditional self-love in practice?

💖 We stay with ourselves (with our self-perception), no matter what state we are in, no matter what we are feeling (including the really bad feelings)
💪 We actively stand up for ourselves and act in our best interests

But what does that mean in more concrete terms?

🌧 A typical (initially negative) example:
We feel sad and lonely and numb this with Netflix and chocolate.
What does this mean for the two points?

1. We don’t feel ourselves and again experience a turning away from our authentic feelings (this time chosen by ourselves and not experienced by caregivers).
2. We are not acting in our best interests: When we feel sad and lonely, we need contact! 🤝
Burying ourselves further therefore reinforces the experience of “nobody cares about what I really need”.

What can we do instead?

💖 We stay with ourselves and
💪 act for ourselves.
In concrete terms:
When we feel sad and lonely, we can first ask ourselves:

Can I be loving with myself right now and allow myself to feel myself?

If we can decide to feel ourselves alone:

💖 Snuggle in, feel deeply, maybe cry and look to emotionally connect with ourselves and discharge our feelings:

• What kind of contact do I want?
• Who or what do I want to be in contact with?
• What do I need? What do I want to experience?
• And then act accordingly.

If that doesn’t work out the way we want it to:

How can I learn to get that for myself?
Who can support me so that I get what I need?

If we can’t feel ourselves well on our own:

• 📞 Who can I call, where can I go, where can I get support… so that I can feel what I really feel inside and be with myself?
• This could be a good friend.
• But it can also be a counseling number ☎️
• or an open café for encounters ☕️.
• It could be a men’s or women’s meeting.
• Or maybe it’s simply a neighbor who may not understand our current situation in depth, but with whom we still feel a friendly connection.

😉 Nothing against Netflix or a good organic chocolate. If we don’t use them as an inner push away, but as loving pampering for us.

💖 What do you need right now?
💪 What would you like to do next for YOU?

PS: Do you know anyone who might also be interested? Then please pass this on. I would be delighted if as many people as possible could use this knowledge for themselves! 🙂