Everyone has aspects of themselves that they find frightening, shameful, embarrassing or simply unacceptable.

In 18 years as a coach, I have never met a “monster” that was not deeply rooted in pain, self-protection or fear. -No monster that didn’t have a good positive intention.

If we look deep enough, we always find humanity.

No matter how terrible we judge our behavior, our thoughts, our feelings – and how terrible they may be for others: If we have the courage to look deep enough within ourselves, we can find the source and resolve the underlying issue. And then we don’t have to show ourselves or others a monster.

Examples for classical “monster”-behaviours:

– shouting at
– criticize
– being hard on ourselves or others
– being hurtful
– …

If you know such behaviors and want to deal differently with situations in which you display these behaviors, you can ask yourself in a quiet moment:

What did I urgently need at that moment?
What was I actually concerned about?
What would have had to happen for me not to shout / criticize / hurt?

And then you can think about how you can fulfill these needs positively and proactively.

Example:

Many people shout at other people when they feel helpless or have the impression of being taken by surprise.
A simple: “I’ll give you an answer to that later” or “I’m going to the restroom now” can already help to defuse the pressure of urgency and create space and time for better problem-solving.

And of course you can also go deeper.

Which part of you reacts with anger and aggression, for example?
How would this part prefer to react?

Our “monster” parts can become wonderful protectors when they are no longer judged and shamed, but understood and integrated.

What is a “monster” in you that you would like to understand more deeply and treat and express differently?

PS: Do you know anyone who might also be interested in this?Then feel free to forward this email. I would be happy if as many people as possible can use this knowledge for themselves! 🙂